Decluttering with friends and family - is it a good idea?

Decluttering your living space can be a transformative experience. It not only helps you create a more organised and peaceful environment but also has a positive impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Some would view decluttering as a solitary endeavor; however, this is only effective if you have the right skills and personality to do it alone. In the past some of my prospective clients have found the idea of allowing a stranger to help them with this task a very uncomfortable one as it's incredibly personal. Some people will perhaps have tried involving friends and family in the process and if that was difficult there may be even more resistance to using my services. However, decluttering with friends and family can be very different to working alongside a professional and in every case I've worked on, the resounding feedback is that using my input makes the process far easier, more productive and less emotional than with a friend or family member. 

If you are currently unable to employ a decluttering professional but want to get on top of your home and need some help doing so please read on. I have created this blog to explore the advantages and potential challenges of decluttering with loved ones, and provide tips for making it a successful and enjoyable collaborative effort.

The Benefits of Decluttering with Friends and Family

Shared Responsibility: Decluttering can be a daunting task, especially when you have accumulated a lot of stuff over the years. When you involve friends and family, the responsibility is shared, making the process more manageable and efficient.

Motivation and Accountability: Having others around can provide motivation and accountability. You're more likely to stay on track when someone else is participating with you. Encouragement and friendly competition can drive progress.

Fresh Perspectives: Friends and family may offer fresh perspectives on your belongings. They can help you evaluate whether certain items are truly worth keeping, providing a more objective viewpoint.

Bonding Experience: Decluttering together can be a bonding experience. It's an opportunity to spend quality time with loved ones while working towards a common goal.

Learning and Teaching Opportunities: You can share your decluttering knowledge and techniques with others and learn from them as well. This exchange of ideas can lead to new, more efficient strategies for decluttering.

Challenges to Consider

Differing Opinions: Everyone has their own attachment to belongings, and differences in opinion can arise when deciding what to keep and what to discard. If for example the items you do not want are in your home and are taking up room you'd like back but your family member thinks you should keep the items because they are sentimentally attached perhaps suggest they store them instead. (See my blog on 'Storing things for Future Generations') When a person wants something kept but doesn't want to (or can't) store it, that's when it becomes emotionally tricky.

Speed and Efficiency: Not everyone works at the same pace. When I work with a client I soon work out what pace they like to work at and can pick up on cues when they're becoming overwhelmed or are suffering with decision fatigue. I do this as I have experience, but a friend or family member may only have a certain period of time free to allocate to helping you, or they want to rush you along in the name of productivity.  If you feel rushed into making decisions you are more likely to regret them so be aware of working at your own pace, not someone else’s.

Emotional Attachments: Decluttering can be an emotionally charged process, particularly when dealing with sentimental items. Be prepared to support each other through these emotional moments, they can quickly become overwhelming. This is where a professional can be a huge benefit especially when family have tried helping previously. I am always very mindful of emotions when working with my clients and pride myself on being able support and encourage in the right way. My job is to support you in making the decisions about what can be let go of not to make choices for you or to add in my own feelings or agenda. I can do this more effectively than family or friends because of my outsider perspective.

Time and Scheduling: Coordinating schedules can be a challenge when involving multiple people and it's therefore easy to keep putting off and postponing. If you pay for a professional to help, you are already more invested in the process and are more likely to stick to the session planned as you've become accountable already. A professional is also going to give you their complete focus for the entirety of your session and give you the best opportunity of making tangible progress in that time.

Complicated Relationships: Many people have wonderful friends and family who love and care for them dearly. However, friends and family who know you well and who you have history with may also know how to push your buttons, how to win you over and sometimes these close relationships make decluttering together very difficult. Whilst one person feels they have your best interests in heart and truly think they are encouraging you in the right way this may result in the other not feeling heard and/or pressured into making decisions about things they're not ready for. People with people-pleasing tendencies may be more inclined to make decisions based on what they think the other person is expecting of them rather than listening to their heart which in the long run isn't helpful, doesn't aid the decluttering process and can lead to resentment. Some friends and family members are absolutely fantastic at supporting the decluttering process but I would always be cautious as these relationships are too important to risk. Perhaps suggest a short session at first to see how you get on, agree that clear communication and honesty are essential and if it's not working you need to be able to voice that without consequence.

Tips for Successful Decluttering with Loved Ones

Set Clear Goals: Before you begin, discuss your goals and what you hope to achieve through decluttering. Having a shared vision will help keep everyone on the same page.

Respect Individual Boundaries: Acknowledge that everyone has different attachment levels to their belongings. Ensure whoever is helping agrees to respect your decisions.

Divide and Conquer: Assign specific areas or tasks to different individuals based on their preferences and strengths. This ensures the process moves smoothly. 

Use a System: Develop a system for categorising items as keep, donate, recycle, or discard. This system provides clarity and streamlines decision-making.

Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate small victories along the way. Whether it's a completed room or a bag of donations, these celebrations can boost motivation.

Make It Enjoyable: Play some upbeat music, share stories about the items you find, or take short breaks for refreshments. Keep the atmosphere positive and enjoyable.

Decluttering with friends and family can be a wonderful and rewarding experience when approached with respect, patience and teamwork, especially for those not planning on employing a professional. It is important though to be aware of the challenges to overcome, many of which are emotional. Decluttering is already a highly emotional process so ensure you are fully prepared when working with someone you already know and care for. Ultimately, decluttering isn't just about creating an organised living space; it's about nurturing relationships and creating a more harmonious and clutter-free environment for everyone involved. If you'd like more advice or feel that seeking out a professional might be a better option for you then do get in touch.